Friends

I miss the moment where I can talk about anything under the sun with my best friends. I miss the moment where we can hang out together and spend the rest of our day worrying about nothing. Like we used to do when we were teenager. Like we used to do every time school days end. Hey, we didn't bother much about the world right? We have the world of our own. All that matters to me is you, and all that matters to you is me. I miss that.

As we are growing up, we skipped some rituals in our friendship. Less meeting up, less texting until late up night. I guess we moved on with our live. We met with new peeps, building up new relationship and get too busy with work and so forth. We are no longer the coolest person in each other life. In these five years, how many times do we call each other?

Right. None.

I'm not ready yet to let go of my teenage memories with you.

Do you?

My Boyfriend Is Married To Someone Else

A friend of mine is now having a wreck – time with her boyfriend. They are not just having a cat – fight. I mean, it’s big! It’s really big. Her boyfriend happened to be married with some other girl, and yes she had it coming. It’s all under her knowledge. She knew her boyfriend is going to marry someone else and she’s cool with it. Well, not entirely cool. There are times when she’s totally out of control. Cursing, yelling, and throwing things and all. But then, she will come back to him, sobbing apologetically. I would love to call it, LOVE. But instead, I call it RELIANCE.

How would you feel, as the date gets closer, seeing your loved ones preparing for his / her big day? How would you react, knowing that somehow she / he will passionately hug someone, or even kiss someone or do any other things with someone else? I’ll definitely go crazy, if you ask me. But then again, she wasn’t. She was playing cool all the time. She laughed, she cheered, and she even attended her friend’s wedding with a beaming and lighten up face, although in the other side of the world, her boyfriend was being congratulated ceremoniously

I honestly do not understand her, as a friend. I thought she will be leaving that guy for good. Instead, they are going to discuss about their wedding this coming weekend. The idea of polygamy has now arisen. I adore her for her acceptance (or stupidity I must say?) for her absolute forgiveness, for her tremendous effort to wipe out the hurt and heal the deep cut and still fall for the guy who have once betray her love and affection.

As a friend, I do support her. Although honestly I know, it’s only a waste of time. But she said it is worth of trying than doing nothing. After all, she said, love is a gamble.

Chiao!

I'm A Twitter Noob!

I don't know how to use that bloody thing. I don't know how people tweet, or retweet or do whatever effing things they can do with Twitter. com. I just don't get it. I don't know how people get super excite about it. Tell me tell me!

I registered twitter back in 2009. But until this very day, I don't know how to use it.

Seriously! Twitter 101, please!

Good Friends.

We are definitely going to need them in our lives. Not only to entertain us and be part of our social development, friends also the peoples that will shape you and support you and guide you and things.

I don't have many friends.

She has sworn by her mother's life that she will be fat with me. Never leave me alone.

(Smiling)

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry- for the ignorance
I’m sorry-for the coldhearted
I’m sorry-for the denial
I’m sorry-for the disappearance
I’m sorry-for the misbehaving
I’m sorry-for the missing piece
I’m sorry-for pseudo listening
I’m sorry-for the harsh words
I’m sorry-for the promises I could not fulfill
I’m sorry-for the wasted long journey
I’m sorry-for the shattered bottle of perfume
I’m sorry-for the lost parcel
I’m sorry-for the kinky acts
I’m sorry-for the deep old cuts
I’m sorry-for the hurt and wound
I’m so sorry-for everything that makes you upset but I’m still doing it purposely-
And above all-
I’m so sorry-for making you love me endlessly, for taking your heart-and I never give it back…

Idiotic

I have a very intense repugnance when someone we don't know being ultimately judgmental towards us. Be it she / he trying to be like she / he care a lot or actually she / he are just being absolute pain in the arse. It's purely unacceptable in my life. I despise that.

Second. I does not adore surprises as much as anybody else does. Okay scratch that. Have this one : I does not adore bollocks surprises as much as any other stupid people does. I can be mean sometimes. Or should I say, I can be mean all the time. Particularly, towards you. 

People want us to react on certain things according to their wish. And if we don't, then they will start to accuse us with ridiculous names and again, being super judgmental.

I have my own super cool life. Alhamdulillah. A cool - handsome caring husband, a super adorable son. What can I ask for more? And you, as I said, were just a leftover on my plate.

The Fact

As much as the fact that I really super hate number 85 / 58 (Vice versa) but I find that the statement written is pretty awesome.

p/s : Yes. It's hard for me to get over things, but that's just because I'm living a normal people life.

When Our World Collide

The result could be fatal.

Things will turn ugly.

I just don't wanna see you anymore. Don't you get it?

My Heart Is Missing A Beat

I was browsing through an old picture album when I came across this one picture that put me in a very deep thought. It was a picture of you and me. Sitting next to next. You were smiling but I am not.

You were smiling but I am not.

I was purposely not smiling because I don't have any reason to. You forced me to take a picture with you and that was it. I am not smiling.

Years passed and now, I am regretting every stupid second passed without realizing how immortal that feeling could be. The feeling of not finding the right reason to smile every time the memory of you crossed my mind.

I do miss you. There were couple of times where I think about you.

How could I forget the man who used to love me?

I know you could still feels me. Because I can feel it too.

I had Enough

When someone is trying to be you direct opposition, somehow you will feel threatened. Not only because he / she is now becoming the major attention of your stress, but she / he will slowly make your self – esteem receding. So you have to be extra cautious. Never let someone like this brings you down. You are your own strength.

I faced this kind of situation quite so many times in my life. When peoples are trying to be your only obstacle. The fact that they can’t handle the overwhelming aura you bring will only make them hurt you even more. They will try to slow you down, they will make thing hard on you, they will demolishing your effort, and they will do anything. Just to make sure, you are vulnerable enough to their emotional tortures that in the end will make you go nuts.

There’s nothing you can do but to fight back. Not with physical strength but you can always win by outsmarting them. Do not give them any single loop that can be their weapon to crush you. What I did was, I never give them a chance to finger – point at me. I did my work excellently, on time and efficiently. I always one step ahead of everyone. And it did work.

You should try this once in a while. Enough of being shut off.

Man. Read This.

Cold Hearted. But You Are Not Edward Cullen. NO!

I wish I have super power to stop you from being mean to everyone. Seriously I don't know what's wrong with you. Maybe you hit your head too hard on something and it's caused you a mental damage.

Sometimes, I pity on you. I know you have a hard life. I know you are lonely and that's why you want everybody to feel your loneliness and emptiness deep down inside your soul. I know you are suffering inside. But that doesn't mean you have to be hard on people around you. That will only makes thing harder.

I never thought, people like you could have done something despicable like that.

But I'm totally wrong.

I think, you have an issue with yourself. Or maybe, you have an unhappy life during your childhood.

That's why you turned out like this.

Like a total wrecked-soul.

A monster.

Why Do I Have To Be So Mean?

Forgetting is one big issue. Believe it or not, whether you like it or not, human can't forget. I mean you can't easily forget things except you are suffering from senile symptoms. That one you can't help it - lah. You will definitely forget everything. But, purposely forgetting everything is a  big NO.

Past is a major distraction in moving on in your life. ALWAYS. Like a pain in the ass. It will not go forever and it will stay just the same. Dealing with your past times can somehow release you from your suffering.

How am I dealing with my past?

I get mean!

Perhaps I get even.

Leftovers

I didn't know that playing with an old toy of mine could have bring you so much pleasure. I wouldn't definitely dumped it if I know you would treasure it so much.

I can't forget you but that doesn't mean you could do whatever you want with the fact that you were part of my life, before. Before.

You are only the leftovers on my plate.

28

Age is just a number. It can't defines a person. It really is.

Happy birthday to me.

Thank you everyone for the messages, wishes and your warmest love and remembrance. 

I am indeed, flattered.

Fate

It's a bit hilarious when someone used to hate that 'someone' so much and now they end up with each other. Serves you right, huh?

Hye Baby Dumpers I Wanna Kiss You!

Seriously. Because I definitely want to ask you just ONE simple question : Instead of you cruelly ends the baby's life, why don't you just end yours?

Who are you to rip out the baby's heartbeats?

May you rot in hell.

Being Vintage

I was actually influenced by one of my friends in FB. She loves vintage clothing so much. I saw her wearing one of her vintage outfits during Hari Raya and it was awesome! I was immediately captured by the beauty of the clothes pattern and it's colour. Pastel. Vintage clothing always go with pastel.

Picture courtesy of Sunny Sideup Closet

Imagine if I'm wearing the vintage dress with a proper 'kain kurung moden'. Would it be nice then? Oh I am so into vintage clothing! I sketched some design and asked my tailor whether or not she is able to do it. After some alteration and discussion, she's going to materialized my design. Hopefully everything will run smoothly. Can't wait to wear my own design, flaunting it to school! =.=! Designing is giving me an adrenalin rush! It was so much fun!

Can't wait can't wait can't wait!

Darling Son

Mummy, I promise you I will not 'campak - campak' your dearie blusher anymore!

My Dream Nest

Well. I do want to have my own house. I always dream of having a pink house which obviously a huge contradiction with darling husband. It doesn't have to be huge, as long as it can offer comfort to me, darling husband and most importantly to my kid(s) that should be okay.

Seeing friends investing on their own house make my heart stirs a little. With jealousy. I want to have that excitement too. Of choosing furniture, wallpapers,  paint colors and everything. But not now.

I want to spent my life living with Emak and Abah. Forever. 

I want to be their baby daughter forever. I want to be their pain-in-the ass forever. I want to be their annoyance forever.

I want to see you guys everyday. EVERYDAY.

I don't want to get away.

October.

Yes. I have grown up. Or at least that is what I think I am. No? I have been a teacher for almost four years now. It's more like a 'four - torturing' year. Teaching is not easy. To deal with peoples in the teaching profession is not easy either. It's the survival of the fittest. Jungle rules. Tribes. Oh you have to choose your tribe properly. You can't be alone. Yo can't stand of being ALONE. You must have someone. Or at least someone that you can share your dirty plan with. Someone to be  your black sheep? No?

Darling husband has been kind enough for me all this while. He was listening wholeheartedly to my every ramblings and cursing and yelling and oh almost everything. And I know he will always do. He has fought for me too. He was the one who personally fight for me when I was abused a year ago. No, not physically abused. But more to emotionally abused. My rights has been denied. Oh I don't want to think about it anymore. It hurts. To this very day. It wasn't easy when someone you trust wrecked you like that. And you have to spare your every single day looking at her / his face remembering every single thing she / he had done to you. And you smile to him / her like nothing happen. It feels like shit.

It happened on October last year.

I can still remember the very first time I was left alone with no one with me. With nothing to do. I have no class to teach. No student to tend to. I have nothing. I was nothing. You think it was easy for me?I cried my heart out.

Luckily I have friends to make my day. And thanks to them. Now I can stand back on my feet. But to forget? It's a big NO.

Please bear with that sir / ma'am.

Firman Allah SWT maksudnya:

"Dan orang-orang yang menyakiti orang-orang mukmin dan mukminah tanpa kesalahan yang mereka perbuat, maka sesungguhnya mereka telah memikul kebohongan dan dosa yang nyata". (al Ahzab 58)

Dari Abu Hurairah ra, Nabi saw bersabda:

"Siapa yang merasa pernah berbuat aniaya kepada saudaranya, sama ada berupa kehormatan badan atau harta atau lain-lainnya, hendaknya segera meminta halal (maaf) dari orang itu, sebelum datang suatu hari yang tiada harta dan dinar atau dirham, jika dia punya amal saleh, maka akan diambil menurut penganiayaannya, dan jika tidak mempunyai hasanah (kebaikan), maka diambilkan dari kejahatan orang yang dianiaya itu untuk ditanggungkan kepadanya." (H.R. Bukhari-Muslim)

Chill.

On Hiatus

It has been three months since my last post. (I should have update my blog frequently, I promise that!) I have tonnes to blurt out but every time I want to write about it, I just can't find the right words to start it all.

My life has been great so far. With classes and everything and darling son is just so amazing. I learn new thing from him  almost everyday. Patience, most of all. Well, patience now is kinda a big issue in family. I have to put up with lotsa things. But I know, I can endure this. I am the super woman, remember? HA-DI-HA.

School errrr well, there's nothing spectacular happens in school. Gossips. Oh yes. There are few gossips lingering in school. But they are too despicable to be discussed, especially here. In my noble blog. But I will spill some, later on. HAHA.

Okay. This is more like a 'warming up' post. HAHA!

Old Wives Tales

There is one that has never been told to anyone. It may come in various versions. But I like this one best.

The tale of a wife, being foretold of her scandalous husband because she flaunted her marriage.

True indeed.

Her husband has another woman.

An untold old wives tales.

So babes,

Don't you ever dare to flaunt your marriage, like it would last.

Icarus

Can you spot the fallen ambitious boy?

Icarus,

you should learn your lesson well.

Father told you not to fly too close to the sun. It will melt you wings.

Icarus,

but you are too stubborn.

You were not listening to your father advice.

And now look what happened to you.

Oh my dear, Icarus.

Great Teachers

They say, we are not a good teacher. We are not able to teach. We can’t make student becomes clever.

So,

Please tell me, or better show me HOW TO BECOME A GOOD TEACHER.

I want YOU to show me.

SHOW me what you’ve got. Bring it on!.

I Am Pretty, Aite?

Fat.

Yeah. There are so many places that need something to be done with. I can no longer tame my appetite. It’s gone wild and it scares me too. My clock is ticking by stuffing my mouth full. Picture this; as soon as my eyes are open then there goes the eating regime. Unhealthy food I must say. A late night McD chicken set is something unbearable. Worst, if you icing it with strawberry sundae + oreo Mcflurry almost every night.

My husband is very cool on this. He said I’m at my best looking like this. Excuse me, a pregnant lady who isn’t pregnant at all? And you call this pretty? God, men are weird. Most of them are flaunting themselves to death if they have skinny girlfriend and super-skinny-wife-who-have-just-gave-birth without extra fats clinging on their muscles but my husband. Because his wife is ain’t like that.

I pity my husband. I know he just don’t wanna make me feel hurt. But it hurts, when deep down inside, you know that somehow, he wants to see you like before. Slim and slender. Pretty and drop dead gorgeous.

But after all, I'm thankful.


Really God, I promise!

I Bid Goodbye

It was a fine sunny day.

There he was standing amidst other things.

Handsome as ever.

Our eyes met. For more than 10 seconds or so. The seconds that were ample enough to register old memories from time before. And with that look, I knew, he knew.

But he looked away. Never looked at me again. My heart crushed. Not because he didn't look at me the way I wanted to be looked by him. But my heart crushed because he forgot that he used to look at me the way we wanted to look at each other.

It took more or less than 5 minutes altogether for me to erase all memories that we have been through together.

And with that,

I bid my farewell.

Bye bye black bird.

Virginity And It's Relation With Stupidity

Do you still have it or you already lost it, no one would care. Or at least, that's what this teeny girl thought so.

Lee Milano

I pity this kid. I pity her parents too.

How Will I Survive

This question keeps on popping in my head for quite sometimes which to be frank, I don't know the answer. I would probably say that I'm not going to make it. It sounds lame, but I think that's the truth so far. I can't even stand the madness overwhelming this noble profession nowadays. Noble profession, aey?

It WAS a noble profession. And it's not anymore.

Bitch

Some bitches they just dont know where to stop. Some, need to be stopped. Either way, they are still bitches. They feel good bitching on others. One good thing about being a bitch, they don't care if they get bitched by others.

Like I said, either way they are still bitches.

Paranoid.

You are paranoid woman!

Man, If You Have The Power Then Don't Misuse It. You Might Be Questioned.

Yaeh, it's a freaking long title. But who care actually? As long as the message is conveyed then it's fine.

Bye Bye Black Bird

I have this habit of saying this phrase if anyone is leaving for good. I don't know why. When my friend took off to Illinois last year, I said the same thing to her "Bye bye black bird" Same goes if someone is getting married and settling for good me also will say the same phrase. Some of my friends are puzzled as they didn't know the exact meaning of the phrase. Me also have no idea why I'm saying it smoothly without hesitation. It's spontaneous.I guess, black bird has something to do with me in my life before this. Well today, I have someone leaving me again for good. I'm gonna miss him. My very true friend, indeed. And he is away now. Without me having a chance to pat him goodbye. Bye bye black bird.

You Don't Have To Be Stupid To Look Pretty. Trust Me.

As for me, I prefer simplicity. I have once try to put a lot of things on my body just to fashion. And I looked like a walking drag queen. Or perhaps like a peasant during the crusader's age. Totally oblivious! Yeah, it was failed on me. So that kind of thing is out from my list now.

I admire how some bloggers and real life people (not saying that blogger isn't very much alive. Ha-di-ha!) carry their looks. Some of them guiltily fashionable and some of them are totally a dustbin. May I suggest - that some of them really like stupid too. But still,they gained compliments from people whom adore them. Oh this may sound very hypocritical and suicidal, but sometimes, I don't know, whether they are complimenting with sincere or it is just another form of  deceiving art?

Just, don't be a hypocrite.

Ouhh I Don't Get It!

Bad thing happens to good people. And vice versa. Yeah, like me. I've been mistreated for so many times. Yet, I still am able to smile like the world is just the greatest place to be. Last week was the most hectic week as school holidays had come to an end. Skip that. We don't wanna talk about my ability to juggle workloads. You don't wanna hear me curse. But towards the end of the week, I've been arrowed by quite a news. One of the greatest teacher in my school was transferred. And may I say, without any good reason. Hell I know this chap quite much because we used to have this lengthy conversation about works, life and so forth. But most of the times we were spending times bitching on drama kings and queens and bla bla bla. So yeah, we were bonding. Until, I was moved to noon session. But still there were times where he used to come on the evening and we were chatting just to kill some time. That guy, he was transferred

Rumor has it that he was trying to go against the stream. That he was twisting his own rope on his own death row. That he was unable to teach properly. That his skills was inadequate. Well, that's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard. I have seen how fond his students to him. How they adore him and enjoying every second he has been spending in the classroom. I just don't get it. Seriously, who are they kidding? Who are they toying? Rumor has it that he was just a pain in someone else's ass. Someone just couldn't bear his/her eyes to see his face shine and alive everyday. That he was just as much as like a broken compass. A helpful tool but no longer appropriate at service. That was what I heard. A news from the wind.

As for me, I would say it's a planned conspiracy.

No More Goofing Around!

Yeah, you read me! No more goofing around, no more fooling around. You are going to be 28 and you should act like one. (sigh) Why do age has always intertwine with the way we behave? Can we skip that? So we can always behave like a five year old without even noticing how old we actually are? Oh happy new year by the way. Same old same old. Always the same resolutions though this year there is an additional one. Loosing weight. Yeah, that's should be my priority for this year. Being fat make me an old grumpy lady. And kind of having an internal crisis and suffering from a serious low self - esteem. Plus the pimples. That somehow helps in contributing already-have misery in my life. Ohh yeah, life isn't always about joy and laughter. There are tears too. And cursing. And yelling.

Happy New Yearrrrrrrrrr!