Oct 30, 2011

The Fact

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As much as the fact that I really super hate number 85 / 58 (Vice versa) but I find that the statement written is pretty awesome.

p/s : Yes. It's hard for me to get over things, but that's just because I'm living a normal people life.

When Our World Collide

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The result could be fatal.

Things will turn ugly.

I just don't wanna see you anymore. Don't you get it?

Oct 26, 2011

My Heart Is Missing A Beat

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I was browsing through an old picture album when I came across this one picture that put me in a very deep thought. It was a picture of you and me. Sitting next to next. You were smiling but I am not.

You were smiling but I am not.

I was purposely not smiling because I don't have any reason to. You forced me to take a picture with you and that was it. I am not smiling.
Years passed and now, I am regretting every stupid second passed without realizing how immortal that feeling could be. The feeling of not finding the right reason to smile every time the memory of you crossed my mind.

I do miss you. There were couple of times where I think about you.

How could I forget the man who used to love me?

I know you could still feels me. Because I can feel it too.

Oct 25, 2011

I had Enough

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When someone is trying to be you direct opposition, somehow you will feel threatened. Not only because he / she is now becoming the major attention of your stress, but she / he will slowly make your self – esteem receding. So you have to be extra cautious. Never let someone like this brings you down. You are your own strength.

I faced this kind of situation quite so many times in my life. When peoples are trying to be your only obstacle. The fact that they can’t handle the overwhelming aura you bring will only make them hurt you even more. They will try to slow you down, they will make thing hard on you, they will demolishing your effort, and they will do anything. Just to make sure, you are vulnerable enough to their emotional tortures that in the end will make you go nuts.

There’s nothing you can do but to fight back. Not with physical strength but you can always win by outsmarting them. Do not give them any single loop that can be their weapon to crush you. What I did was, I never give them a chance to finger – point at me. I did my work excellently, on time and efficiently. I always one step ahead of everyone. And it did work.

You should try this once in a while. Enough of being shut off.

Oct 21, 2011

Cold Hearted. But You Are Not Edward Cullen. NO!

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I wish I have super power to stop you from being mean to everyone. Seriously I don't know what's wrong with you. Maybe you hit your head too hard on something and it's caused you a mental damage.

Sometimes, I pity on you. I know you have a hard life. I know you are lonely and that's why you want everybody to feel your loneliness and emptiness deep down inside your soul. I know you are suffering inside. But that doesn't mean you have to be hard on people around you. That will only makes thing harder.

I never thought, people like you could have done something despicable like that.

But I'm totally wrong.

I think, you have an issue with yourself. Or maybe, you have an unhappy life during your childhood.

That's why you turned out like this.

Like a total wrecked-soul.

A monster.

Oct 14, 2011

Why Do I Have To Be So Mean?

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Forgetting is one big issue. Believe it or not, whether you like it or not, human can't forget. I mean you can't easily forget things except you are suffering from senile symptoms. That one you can't help it - lah. You will definitely forget everything. But, purposely forgetting everything is a  big NO.

Past is a major distraction in moving on in your life. ALWAYS. Like a pain in the ass. It will not go forever and it will stay just the same. Dealing with your past times can somehow release you from your suffering.

How am I dealing with my past?

I get mean!

Perhaps I get even.

Oct 13, 2011


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I didn't know that playing with an old toy of mine could have bring you so much pleasure. I wouldn't definitely dumped it if I know you would treasure it so much.

I can't forget you but that doesn't mean you could do whatever you want with the fact that you were part of my life, before. Before.

You are only the leftovers on my plate.

Oct 8, 2011


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Age is just a number. It can't defines a person. It really is.

Happy birthday to me.

Thank you everyone for the messages, wishes and your warmest love and remembrance. 

I am indeed, flattered.

Oct 6, 2011


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It's a bit hilarious when someone used to hate that 'someone' so much and now they end up with each other. Serves you right, huh?

Hye Baby Dumpers I Wanna Kiss You!

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Seriously. Because I definitely want to ask you just ONE simple question : Instead of you cruelly ends the baby's life, why don't you just end yours?

Who are you to rip out the baby's heartbeats?

May you rot in hell.

Oct 2, 2011

Being Vintage

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I was actually influenced by one of my friends in FB. She loves vintage clothing so much. I saw her wearing one of her vintage outfits during Hari Raya and it was awesome! I was immediately captured by the beauty of the clothes pattern and it's colour. Pastel. Vintage clothing always go with pastel.

Picture courtesy of Sunny Sideup Closet

Imagine if I'm wearing the vintage dress with a proper 'kain kurung moden'. Would it be nice then? Oh I am so into vintage clothing! I sketched some design and asked my tailor whether or not she is able to do it. After some alteration and discussion, she's going to materialized my design. Hopefully everything will run smoothly. Can't wait to wear my own design, flaunting it to school! =.=! Designing is giving me an adrenalin rush! It was so much fun!

Can't wait can't wait can't wait!

Darling Son

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Mummy, I promise you I will not 'campak - campak' your dearie blusher anymore!

My Dream Nest

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Well. I do want to have my own house. I always dream of having a pink house which obviously a huge contradiction with darling husband. It doesn't have to be huge, as long as it can offer comfort to me, darling husband and most importantly to my kid(s) that should be okay.

Seeing friends investing on their own house make my heart stirs a little. With jealousy. I want to have that excitement too. Of choosing furniture, wallpapers,  paint colors and everything. But not now.

I want to spent my life living with Emak and Abah. Forever. 

I want to be their baby daughter forever. I want to be their pain-in-the ass forever. I want to be their annoyance forever.

I want to see you guys everyday. EVERYDAY.

I don't want to get away.


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Yes. I have grown up. Or at least that is what I think I am. No? I have been a teacher for almost four years now. It's more like a 'four - torturing' year. Teaching is not easy. To deal with peoples in the teaching profession is not easy either. It's the survival of the fittest. Jungle rules. Tribes. Oh you have to choose your tribe properly. You can't be alone. Yo can't stand of being ALONE. You must have someone. Or at least someone that you can share your dirty plan with. Someone to be  your black sheep? No?

Darling husband has been kind enough for me all this while. He was listening wholeheartedly to my every ramblings and cursing and yelling and oh almost everything. And I know he will always do. He has fought for me too. He was the one who personally fight for me when I was abused a year ago. No, not physically abused. But more to emotionally abused. My rights has been denied. Oh I don't want to think about it anymore. It hurts. To this very day. It wasn't easy when someone you trust wrecked you like that. And you have to spare your every single day looking at her / his face remembering every single thing she / he had done to you. And you smile to him / her like nothing happen. It feels like shit.

It happened on October last year.

I can still remember the very first time I was left alone with no one with me. With nothing to do. I have no class to teach. No student to tend to. I have nothing. I was nothing. You think it was easy for me?I cried my heart out.

Luckily I have friends to make my day. And thanks to them. Now I can stand back on my feet. But to forget? It's a big NO.

Please bear with that sir / ma'am.

Firman Allah SWT maksudnya:

"Dan orang-orang yang menyakiti orang-orang mukmin dan mukminah tanpa kesalahan yang mereka perbuat, maka sesungguhnya mereka telah memikul kebohongan dan dosa yang nyata". (al Ahzab 58)

Dari Abu Hurairah ra, Nabi saw bersabda:

"Siapa yang merasa pernah berbuat aniaya kepada saudaranya, sama ada berupa kehormatan badan atau harta atau lain-lainnya, hendaknya segera meminta halal (maaf) dari orang itu, sebelum datang suatu hari yang tiada harta dan dinar atau dirham, jika dia punya amal saleh, maka akan diambil menurut penganiayaannya, dan jika tidak mempunyai hasanah (kebaikan), maka diambilkan dari kejahatan orang yang dianiaya itu untuk ditanggungkan kepadanya." (H.R. Bukhari-Muslim)


On Hiatus

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It has been three months since my last post. (I should have update my blog frequently, I promise that!) I have tonnes to blurt out but every time I want to write about it, I just can't find the right words to start it all.

My life has been great so far. With classes and everything and darling son is just so amazing. I learn new thing from him  almost everyday. Patience, most of all. Well, patience now is kinda a big issue in family. I have to put up with lotsa things. But I know, I can endure this. I am the super woman, remember? HA-DI-HA.

School errrr well, there's nothing spectacular happens in school. Gossips. Oh yes. There are few gossips lingering in school. But they are too despicable to be discussed, especially here. In my noble blog. But I will spill some, later on. HAHA.

Okay. This is more like a 'warming up' post. HAHA!