May The 16th.

When I was a little kid, I always imagining myself standing in front of the class, holding book in one hand and a cane in the other, watching over my students, tapping the cane onto my desk when they make mistake, throwing out my voice, loud and clear enough to be heard, recite the lesson and the students repeat it after me. 

7 years ago, I was in doubt, because my future was full of uncertainties. I was afraid that I might turn out not to be the person I always wanted to become. Walking down the road of contradict evaluation between my own judgment and other’s somehow depicted the question of : How am I going to shape myself into someone that can be considered as noble? 

Teaching is always become my passion. Remembering the saying: It doesn’t matter what kind of lamp may lit the darkness, it’s the light that matter. 

As time passes by, I’ve became clear and aware that my dream can be achieved, only it claims greater sacrifice and endless enthusiasm that sometimes I lost it along the way. What more can make my tear rolls down my cheeks, than realizing I have already achieve my greatest victory? Those faces that always getting on my nerves, strangers that they were once, yet now have become so noticeable, so sincere and so close to my heart. What else that matters than seeing those smiles on their faces, their joy and laughter, their purity of the heart, and on top of it, they have shown their appreciation towards your tiny effort? 

I may have said that I’m the strongest of all, nothing can touch my heart so deep… I have just assumed that I was totally wrong… When I held the roses in my hand, when they reached out their hands to give me their priceless gifts, those sincere words of 'Thank You' and 'I Love You' that took my soul away, at that moment I was already crying in my heart. My desk was full of gifts. And my heart was full of pride.

16th of May is my day. It will always be. Thanks to my students for those gifts and wishes. And my ex-students too. I am so touched. There is nothing that I can promise to give, except for this knowledge that will continue to grow and bloom. Behold my students… Behold. Happy Teachers’ Day to all the teachers out there. 

A simple wish from me : BE THE TEACHER TO CHANGE THE FUTURE.

I love you. Yes, you ! ^^

Behind This Goofy Face And Smooch Smile

You may find me laughing and talking nonsense all the times. You may also find me crack the silence with my silly jokes and whole load shit of stories. You can spot me in a distance, catch my voice pass your ears, and smell my nose-striking perfume before I actually arrive and laughing like hell over my every single act of inappropriateness.

But hey, you forgot something. I am too a human. An ordinary human being who know definitely what it’s like to be hurt, emotionally to be exact. It is still okay if you mock my clumsiness, but to mark me with those acts and words of suggesting an idiocy, I think that is a clear judgment of an insolent rude.

Thank you.

 Mock mock mock.

Happy Birthday

I can still remember the last day we sat together, before you were gone for good. You were so animated and chatty, a very unusual things for you whenever I'm around. You were talking nonstop and you smiled all the time. Then, suddenly, you stopped talking. Your eyes were fixed to the road as I was driving and you said nothing. I was began to wonder what was exactly on your mind, but I did not asked. I wanted you to tell me without being asked to. But you kept on silent for a while.

"Thank you." You paused.

"For everything." You resumed.

I took a deep breath. I did not know what to answer. How could I possibly respond to that when the truth is I have never done anything for you?

I left your remark without a response. I thought, that was the best option. Of not saying anything. Let everything be unspoken. You always said, I am the best although I did not know which part were you referring to. But still, I am flattered, because I know you were not that good with compliments. What is more in handling them. So when you said something good, I trust it whole-heartedly.

Today is your birthday. How I wish I could celebrate it with you, thanking Allah for his endless blessing. You are a good man, I know. You have such a noble heart, loving and a very tender feeling to be taken care of. You are so sweet, in your own way. There are too many to describe. Those specialness in you that only certain people are lucky enough to get those from you. And I am so honored and thankful, because I am one of them. Thank you my happiness booster.

You are the best.

Happy birthday. 

Happy brthday.

Happy birthday.

xoxo.

You Were Gone

We used to laugh and make fun of each other. But most of the time, I did the talking and you were on the listening part. When I was talking like there will be no tomorrow , sometime your eyes were glittering and sparkling and wincing animatedly, looking right on my face. Sometime you pouted your lips, tried really hard not to laugh over my silly jokes but in the end, you ended up laughing hysterically with eyes still fixed upon me. Those small details about you I hardly noticed before this, now it seems all coming to my consciousness. I began to notice how you walk gracefully, every step counted. How you would carry your shoulder, broad and confident, but at the same time it offers comfort and safety. How you left your sleeves folded, your spectacles rims fell over your nose, and your soothing-looking eyes hidden safely behind those glasses. Looking at the world with a warm heart as if the world is doing the same thing to you.

You were so nice to me before and you still does. Your words comfort me. I soon came to realize how nice you were to me all the time. ALL THE TIME. You always listen to me, yes you did. You listen to everything I said as if it matters you the most. You give your utmost attention to everything I said and everything I did. You gave me your best, you tried everything you could possibly think of to make me feel needed and wanted. You are a great listener. You listen. Whole-heartedly.

I'm sorry I did not treat you well before. I neglected you. I hurt you over and over again. I am truly sorry. I can feel the pain now, it's haunting me. What is more, now you are gone, the feeling of loss and missing you is sometime unbearable. It's taunting my emotional stability. I have to admit that I miss you. I miss the moment we used to have together. I miss the routine of us smiling to each other, I miss the part where you annoyingly asked me numerous time to check on my health, how you would gently forced me to take my medication and stuffs, I miss the time where we would bump into each other, look at each other for a brief moment, nod and then walk with a big smile plastered on each other face. Oh my Allah. I miss that.

I miss you.

Be good, take care of yourself, take care of your faith and Imaan. Take care of everything. I will always pray for you. Be a good man.

Do remember me :)

Assalamualaikum 2013. Please Be Nice And Don't Bite

Assalamualaikum. In just a couple of hour we will be welcoming the new year and so long 2012. Just like that. Puff! Be gone. In short, 2012 has taught me a lot of things. Seriously. From tears to laughter, joy and pain, ups and downs in my everyday life, and sometimes miracles did their part too, in one way and another. I find it amusing and confusing at the same time. But thank to Allah, He never let me astray. Still in the same path and direction, searching for the real me.

Oh there are so many things happened in 2012. There are handful recollections of memories and good things to be remembered. To be yearned at cherished for a lifetime. Those new faces I got to know, shining my life to its ultimate bright. Oh Allah, I shouldn't asked for more. There are few who walked into my life for purpose. Be it to hurt or to care, they are all the same. To teach me some important value in my life, which seriously I'm going to treasure it for the rest of my life. Thank you people.

For this 2013, I will hope for less and work for more. I want to be a good wife, a good mom, a good daughter, a good teacher and of course a good servant of Allah. InsyaALLAH. Allah, please guide me. Don't let me go astray. Keep me safe and sane. ><,

Happy new year to all.  Be a good person, and Allah will be good to you in return.

Now I am ready. Okay 2013. Bring it on!

291212

Assalamualaikum.

29th December 2012. 

I have been celebrating it for 12 years already. ><, 12 years and counting.

For him.

Since he loathe cake, I made him this instead

Happy birthday my wonderful man. I wanna grow old with you.

And I love you, so much!

:)

There Will Always Be Someone Like That

There will always be someone who magically catches your attention. Someone who would make you think about them all the time if it’s not everytime. Someone who tragically causes your heart to flip and bend and then get all straight again everytime you see his/her face. Someone who will make you want to care about, be there everytime she/he wants you to. There will always be someone like that. 

 I saw him for the first time and I grew all fond towards him. Regardless of my warmth approaches and extra tenderness, he was being all cynical and bitter towards me. He kind of served me with endless rejection and seclusion. He was never tried to make any effort to reconcile so I just watched him from a distance, knowing that he is doing all fine and collected. 

He put a barrier within our line. He keeps his kindness away so it will never be touched by anyone without his approval. And he will never tire of acting that way. He kind of enjoying it as time passes. Happy to see people come and go with massive demolition of hope and emotion. And again, he will be a all alone, living in a world only he can rule. 

It’s okay for him to hurt me. It feels good. It’s true. It feels good to know how it feels like to be hurt by someone whom you cared too much. 

As if you are bleeding, and no one is there, to mend it. 

Oh this is not love. This is beyond that.

I Don't Understand You .

Assalamualaikum .

It comes to my understanding that there are things in our live that need not to be understood , but to be accepted . And although it might sound a little bit ridiculous but yes , there are people who just don't know how to appreciate other kindness without being cynical and all question .

It's just my nature . To care for people , to understand them , to choose to love them instead of ignoring them and let them sink in their insanity . And sometimes , I chose one or two to get my extra attention along the way . With the sole intention that somehow I can leave mark in their lives , hopefully a positive one . And this is not easy I must say . One has to consume the act of randomness cause by emotional changes of people as the major living creatures on Earth . A homo sapien full of contradict behavior and beliefs and it's funny though how could a single thought of people upon your acts , words or behaviors affects your life so deeply , you just wanted to end it once and for all .

People's feeling is complicated .

Sometime you think you understand them where the truth is you don't know a shit about them . At all .

Oh Allah , whatever it is . I believe you choose the best for me . Amin!

Pillow Talk

Assalamualaikum , We had a great chat just now . At 1 in the morning . We were all so serious and stressed up . Not because we were fighting over stupid things like always , but it was more to a pour out session . I was actually pouring my burden to you . And you , like what you always did everytime I need you , you lend me your shoulders , your ears , your anticipation , your patience , and your two cents of thought . I love to hear your advise , your words , your cynical remarks over my stupidity , your cunning words and acts . And above all , I just love to sit and be there with you . I don't need any other excuses to be with you . I just love the feeling to be wanted and needed by you . And most of the times we were just killing time by talking nonsense and picking on each other .

You always taught me new things . And I am all noob and naive around you . You are good with words . You just know the perfect timing when to use it as your lethal ammo . As much as I hate it when you do that , I am pretty much adore it at times . You always fascinate me , although you always say that you are a walking boredom . Nope . Not for me . You are one of the most fascinating home-sapien I have ever met in my life .

I love this pillow talk session we have . It's like a ritual before we both hit the sack .

I love it , you know .

So let's do it more frequent . Until we run out of time .

><, Thank you , HB !

The Last Day Of School . Pure Bliss Of Heaven !

Assalamualaikum . Forgive my long disappearance . Well , I don't know if my blog has any reader except for myself . So , I guess an occasional disappearance would be forgiven then . Never mind . Ah yesterday was my last day of school . I am totally hysteric . This means , endless hour of sleeping , online , Facebook-ing , Twitter-ing , SMS -ing with loved ones , gossiping with old school mates , loitering and basically doing nothing without having to fear of wasting time and such .

Oh and I have a mission to be accomplished though . A mission of what heard to be impossible . Loosing weight . Well , we will see . I am craving for chocolate these days . And sweets . And crackers . And oh so many things to mention and yeah , too lazy to get off my ass from bed to shake off some fat . I love them as mush as they do love me . We are hard to separate . Bahaha !

Works are all done . Tremendously finished I must say . Phew . And 2012 school session ends with quite a show , though . A happy one . I spill out some , later .

This is my outfit for the last day of school .

I will update more later . Till then , bubye !

Letting You Go

I guess , sooner or later , the moment will come .

Please, Walk Away From My Life

Assalamualaikum.

I know that best friend does not exists. There will be only friends and not more than that.

Yours sincerely,

Me.

I always hope I can say this straight to your face. I had enough of you. For all this while you never care about my feelings. You were never there when I needed you the most. Never.

Then why should I care for you now?

2012

Pretty women are everywhere. The only thing that will make you out stands them is a pretty soul. Beauty is only skin deep. ^____^ Happy 2012 everyone. Starts your new year resolutions with blessing from Allah The Almighty.

Friends

I miss the moment where I can talk about anything under the sun with my best friends. I miss the moment where we can hang out together and spend the rest of our day worrying about nothing. Like we used to do when we were teenager. Like we used to do every time school days end. Hey, we didn't bother much about the world right? We have the world of our own. All that matters to me is you, and all that matters to you is me. I miss that.

As we are growing up, we skipped some rituals in our friendship. Less meeting up, less texting until late up night. I guess we moved on with our live. We met with new peeps, building up new relationship and get too busy with work and so forth. We are no longer the coolest person in each other life. In these five years, how many times do we call each other?

Right. None.

I'm not ready yet to let go of my teenage memories with you.

Do you?

My Boyfriend Is Married To Someone Else

A friend of mine is now having a wreck – time with her boyfriend. They are not just having a cat – fight. I mean, it’s big! It’s really big. Her boyfriend happened to be married with some other girl, and yes she had it coming. It’s all under her knowledge. She knew her boyfriend is going to marry someone else and she’s cool with it. Well, not entirely cool. There are times when she’s totally out of control. Cursing, yelling, and throwing things and all. But then, she will come back to him, sobbing apologetically. I would love to call it, LOVE. But instead, I call it RELIANCE.

How would you feel, as the date gets closer, seeing your loved ones preparing for his / her big day? How would you react, knowing that somehow she / he will passionately hug someone, or even kiss someone or do any other things with someone else? I’ll definitely go crazy, if you ask me. But then again, she wasn’t. She was playing cool all the time. She laughed, she cheered, and she even attended her friend’s wedding with a beaming and lighten up face, although in the other side of the world, her boyfriend was being congratulated ceremoniously

I honestly do not understand her, as a friend. I thought she will be leaving that guy for good. Instead, they are going to discuss about their wedding this coming weekend. The idea of polygamy has now arisen. I adore her for her acceptance (or stupidity I must say?) for her absolute forgiveness, for her tremendous effort to wipe out the hurt and heal the deep cut and still fall for the guy who have once betray her love and affection.

As a friend, I do support her. Although honestly I know, it’s only a waste of time. But she said it is worth of trying than doing nothing. After all, she said, love is a gamble.

Chiao!

I'm A Twitter Noob!

I don't know how to use that bloody thing. I don't know how people tweet, or retweet or do whatever effing things they can do with Twitter. com. I just don't get it. I don't know how people get super excite about it. Tell me tell me!

I registered twitter back in 2009. But until this very day, I don't know how to use it.

Seriously! Twitter 101, please!

Good Friends.

We are definitely going to need them in our lives. Not only to entertain us and be part of our social development, friends also the peoples that will shape you and support you and guide you and things.

I don't have many friends.

She has sworn by her mother's life that she will be fat with me. Never leave me alone.

(Smiling)

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry- for the ignorance
I’m sorry-for the coldhearted
I’m sorry-for the denial
I’m sorry-for the disappearance
I’m sorry-for the misbehaving
I’m sorry-for the missing piece
I’m sorry-for pseudo listening
I’m sorry-for the harsh words
I’m sorry-for the promises I could not fulfill
I’m sorry-for the wasted long journey
I’m sorry-for the shattered bottle of perfume
I’m sorry-for the lost parcel
I’m sorry-for the kinky acts
I’m sorry-for the deep old cuts
I’m sorry-for the hurt and wound
I’m so sorry-for everything that makes you upset but I’m still doing it purposely-
And above all-
I’m so sorry-for making you love me endlessly, for taking your heart-and I never give it back…

Idiotic

I have a very intense repugnance when someone we don't know being ultimately judgmental towards us. Be it she / he trying to be like she / he care a lot or actually she / he are just being absolute pain in the arse. It's purely unacceptable in my life. I despise that.

Second. I does not adore surprises as much as anybody else does. Okay scratch that. Have this one : I does not adore bollocks surprises as much as any other stupid people does. I can be mean sometimes. Or should I say, I can be mean all the time. Particularly, towards you. 

People want us to react on certain things according to their wish. And if we don't, then they will start to accuse us with ridiculous names and again, being super judgmental.

I have my own super cool life. Alhamdulillah. A cool - handsome caring husband, a super adorable son. What can I ask for more? And you, as I said, were just a leftover on my plate.

The Fact

As much as the fact that I really super hate number 85 / 58 (Vice versa) but I find that the statement written is pretty awesome.

p/s : Yes. It's hard for me to get over things, but that's just because I'm living a normal people life.